aNgel & deviL - HeRe... mE

Tuesday

Do you know how helpless it is when nobody feels your fear?

There are definitely people who said they do feel your fear, but deep down, you know they only understood half of it.

Because I never got to the worst possible state which I always thought I would, so eventually they think its all exaggeration. Or they might sincerely care, but they don’t totally understand. They think that ‘I can do it’/’it’s not tat bad’/’I’m thinking too much’. Sometimes, these might be true, but that’s not the point. At times like these, I think putting yourselves in others’ shoes and trying to share his/her fear is more important than merely dismissing the possibility of the fear. Words of encouragement are all the same, and anyone, even I, can say that. But it is all because I don’t believe in it that makes the fear all the more frightening. I am not as strong/lucky as I seem. There are moments, thousands of such moments, when I get so scared and alone that I find myself trembling, feeling nauseous, heart beating a thousand times faster and finding it difficult to breathe. But just how many really understand?

Frankly, I said none.

Maybe I’m asking too much. How could anyone understand any being that well? To know the actual fear and insecurity an individual is feeling. People might say this is an impossible task, but I still hope that at least one out of the billions of people in this world exists for me.

There seems to be no way out for this. And so, I blame no one, and I ask for nothing.

This is just another disappointing revelation.

Saturday Sunday

It was over on tue. No, thurs to be specific :)

I juz felt very amazed with myself this time round for being so into revision. May I, at here, express my greatest thanks to YEO PEI QIN for being my BEST study-buddy cum motivation this study period!

It’s all thanks to her that I dragged myself to school everyday from 11am to 11pm, 12 hours straight. For almost TWO WEEKS.

I cant believe that person sitting in the library mugging is me. Hahaha :) still, I cant guarantee my grades will be satisfying. Well oh well, enough abt the disappointing grades :(

So, we had the fine dining on thurs and it was okay… had to groom myself up really well and then played ‘host’. Was really bitchy and high that day --- so not me! Hahahaha :) so we did this guessing-what’s-my-career game followed by ‘networking session’ then we sat down for the real dining. 3 course meal – cream of mushroom + chicken leg + tiramisu! Food was okay, and the hard part was to eat all this in the proper way :)

Rushed back home straight to change outta the suit and makeup, then it was time for NEW MOON! Not much surprise (as compared to when I watched twilight) cos I read the book before. But I like that the movie is not draggy and that the important parts are being covered :)  though it was a 2hr10min movie, it didn’t seems that long to me :)

Then fri was meeting with qinqin to chill out and we got ourselves a jacket each! Wohoo, cos ive been looking for one since i-dunno-when :)

Saturday was meet-cherie-clown day :)  shopped ard for a while before heading to the nihon mura at the swimming complex for some real early dinner! We ate quite a lot and god, was our stomach bloated by the time we walked back to t1 :)  after that it was me heading to cousin desiree bdae celebration at my aunt’s. more food (bbq) and cake cutting and definitely, playing with the 2 cutie pies :) they are practically the highlights of every family gatherings!

Todae is stay-at-home-and-slack-ard-cum-watch-shows day :)

Anyway, im gg broke soon with all the post-exam outings :(

Gonna be busy this coming week:

Monday – mummy’s day

Tuesday – am still available

Wednesday – minds café with my ftb friends

Thursday – am still available

Friday – yunnie’s queen of queens night!

Saturday – K with my lovely gfs and serene’s early 21^st chalet

Sunday – praying trip with grandma

Argh, I do so need $$$!

This one month hols seems to pass by real quickly than I think…

Ps: hptx is gonna be up in less than 12 hrs!!!

Wednesday

Ultimate depression todae.

Was notified of my mc grade this afternoon and it instantly bring me on a plunging rollercoaster ride (with no intention of coming up ever again).

My highest hope of getting an A range mod (I’ll be happy even with an A-) was juz made officially impossible. What was originally supposed to be a motivational boost turns out to be ‘the terminator’.

It’s just so me to then get all depressed about it such that i:

1. have been listening to this emo song since 1pm
2. have super no appetite and am juz surviving on this one piece of pancake + one cup of soy + half cup of tea for the whole of todae (and im feeling nauseous instead of hungry)
3. am forcing myself to read MA

I know this might sounds whiny and ‘it’s really not that serious’, but imagine this was supposedly the best mod im doing in this sem, and turns out this is what im getting all bcos of my idiotic cowardly behaviour.

Im so shutting myself from the world.

…

固执对我是种虐待

我好像站在无人山崖全世界都抛在外

Monday

Officially 7 yrs.

It’s so hard to believe that 2555 days had gone by without him. I din keep track of the days and it wasn’t until last night did I know it’s todae. Had plans to study in school, so din get to stay on. Anyway, what matters is what’s in the heart, so im sure he knows.

So, GENTING IS CONFIRMED! Gonna go with mummy and my bro this time round, and hopefully mummy can finally has her long deserved break :) wohooooo!!!

Ps: tick tock tick tock…time is running out :(

Friday

So, seems like school’s finally over. Eh not yet! We still have the mpw team exercise + MA grp report due on Monday. And I still have this Interview Video Recording on Wednesday, then the last lesson of FT in fri. tell me, wad kinda study break is this?!

Was out celebrating jz’s bdae juz now. He kept it real simple – dinner at the round market. He didn’t seems too happy thou, hope he doesn’t mind the shabby kinda dinner :(

Oh and yes, hq was being bombarded by the gals thou I think there are still things we will wanna know. Next time perhaps?! And yeah, the guys were like secretly pulling me aside for info but aha, they din get much outta me :)  I believe hq will tell them if they ask her themselves…

Annnnnnddddddd, SMELLYCAT’s engagement is on TMR!!!

Yippee! Its like I knew this in oct alr but everything has been happening SOOO fast!!! Cant imagine this time tmr, one of my bestie is gonna be engaged to mr. asyik :) congrats babe!

Anyway, I wanna have a good rest before the madness mugging begins. Im so lack of slp and my head has been pounding all day long… more time pls?!

Okay, that’s all! Been mia-ing for quite some time and I believe this will continue maybe till after my finals?!

Wish me all the best pple, and definitely all the best to my beloved friends who are struggling with finals and their studies as well! Jia you and see ya all soon :)

Tuesday

In case you guys wanna confirm this matter,

Yes, Hq is attached.

Go to her blog for details!

Ps: im writing this cos I know many of you are wondering if her entry means she’s admitting. So, yeah, she confirms that it is true! And no doubt she WILL SO BE BOMBARDED during our next gathering :)

Congrats, my dear gal!